The Craftsman

Roommates are musicians,

Real ones,

Not like me, 

Who only makes sounds.

I always stop by the pantry

Even when I am not hungry nor thirsty,

Because I want to talk music. 

It is one thing to listen to,

Another thing to write,

And a whole ’nother thing 

To talk music. 

To talk something that is 

Untalkable.

But we always manage to keep the conversation going.

We hop into a driverless train, and as we keep talking,

Our carriage morphs into a cabinet. 

Music talks are wild.

Like this morning, the trombone player and I

Talked about how he changed the slide-end bumper,

Fixed our coffee machine,

With the hands just off of Respighi.

Messiah

Speaking a second language is

How I am punished for my original sin.

I cannot point to the thing with the same

Elegant manner as the commercial guy

With shining teeth.

It teases me, mocks me, parodies me

On my incompetence,

Like the biggest bully from 

The pitifulest child’s childhood.

It seduces me in my throat,

Encouraging it to produce

The wrong words. 

Sweet, sweet,

A sweet temptation 

To express not what is in my mind.

To speak is to think,

And to think is to write.

With the demon lodging in my head,

I get to taste

The sweet, sweet

Feeling of poetry.

The world where

The guy with shining teeth

Does not live. 

edited by Andrew Shields

地心引力

“将自重的力用来发电,我们将

成为最清洁的星球”,新市长将一只

卡顿的手臂向外延展,给予

整个城市无限信心。我和闺蜜坐在

一只昨天完工的石椅上,感受到屁股

传来的凉。据一位唐代的绅士说,这里

曾掉下一枚苹果,味道清甜。

无题

如何将一只灰色的电视机变成

理想的求婚礼物?我询问路口北边

一家新开的“我帮您”。店主拥有

令人咋舌的优雅发型,窗外挤满了

前来观赏秀发的粉丝。“这很简单,”

他将我的问题输入一台包豪斯风格

的表状目录(它也美得令人咋舌!)。

寻着祂的指导,我将一包谷粒放入

电视机当中,它们野蛮地生长,

在第十七天左右,它长出了一枚

苹果新款处理器。我的女孩说,

我愿意!

弱点

酒杯是一样直立物,和隔壁的叔叔

有同样的特点。我在生物课上

和老师讨论属类的缺陷,老师说

我有很大缺陷。

归类的诱惑是危险的,我指出。

五岁那年,我被外婆确诊为

泡泡糖成瘾,她严肃地让我看着一面

颗粒感很重的墙进行思考。老师,

我的外婆这周日程比较松散,

我可以将她借给你,帮助你戒掉

对分类的瘾。

大熊

上次在街上看到大熊仅仅是三天之前。在每个人中学记忆中存活过的一人尺寸大熊,在襄阳公园附近,被一台垃圾小车载走。甚至不是威风的垃圾车,只是敞篷带斗,仅容驾驶员一人的小三轮。大熊被塞在垃圾车下面的一根横栏上,与真正的垃圾隔层相望。在襄阳公园边的新乐路上,停着一辆更加大型的工业化垃圾车,看起来是小三轮的上司。小三轮驾驶员从车上卸下零碎垃圾,运往上级处汇合;又稳健地走回来,抱住大熊,和它们扔在了一起。至此,大熊才明白,这种带有栏杆的分级并不是真正的区分,他们总归会在终极垃圾处理站相遇,而当大熊还没有时间进一步联想,我看到大型垃圾车内部的装置旋转起来,齿轮的转动带起了手一样的机械,它们把一切撕成均匀的、带有各种成分的小块东西。

所以我十分确定大熊已经不在了。今天,我却又见到了大熊。在巨鹿路的垃圾站,我一眼就看到了它,庞大无依,侧身躺在垃圾站外延带有污水的地面上,好像被人一拳打倒在雨中。我不确定它们的细节是否完全如一,我只是确定前几日的那只似乎更小一些。转念一想,当时距离五十米,今天距离五米,也许这区别只是源于透视规则。大熊的旁边分散着小纸箱,这是居民为方便有需之人捡去重复利用所为。大熊应该也曾被装在大箱子运输,此刻他终于比所有箱子都大了。

我走在上海的街道,闻着自己异乡的味道,九年之后,还是清晰如旧。接上贴满了历史建筑的招牌,仔细一看甚至无本国所建之物,这让我的精神更加涣散。我的头脑很清晰,我的行动很缓慢,我的笑容很温和,就像我的敏捷的思维一样空无一物。对于这样的体感,我甚为熟悉,至此生活廿余年,希望犹在,因为没有希望不属于黑格尔历史观,我们的教科书现已摒去不提。

研究音乐的规律,研究文学的技术,研究思想的脉络,然而我望向身外,仅有随处可见的大熊。我看到他,他却怎样都无法看到我的眼睛,除非被放置在一个特定的角度,使用专业测绘仪器,尚可以实现一次历史性的人熊对望。有趣!人们说,做完这件事,我会变成一个有趣的人。

我试着在街上行走的同时静下心来去听,如果幸逢小径,却正赶上行人嘈杂,我会听到每个人的声音从小变大又变小,衔接至下一份同款频率的声波。如果我要求自己的耳朵更做一分努力,那么这些话甚至可以组成毫无意义的句子。有时,一些声音会随着我奔波,她们在我的身后聊起同事之斗,我拼凑出了多幅大抵相同的公司画像。这些被塞入我身体的声音,并未经过沟通就强行闯进,不知是否也有幕后推手。希望如此,不然这着实有些冒犯之嫌。

剪发、吃面、听音乐、听铃声、使用电子商品,不论做什么,总有东西嗡嗡地穿过我的头骨,给予我一些信号,难以破译,引人遐想。问题是,不思考这些,还能思考什么?每日的精力都甚觉过剩,当做的事已无兴致再做,值得做的事却无途径可做,长出此种面貌,真是令人发痒。

我用力地消耗自己节约下来的精力,用以一切不被允许的事情,但精力实在太多,我难以消耗一空。我对大熊大概并无兴趣,只是它可以用掉一些我的精力。它是威严之物,像是对我的警告,故而虽被绞碎,却仍然坚持出现在我所租住的街道。它身上沾满了污秽之物,一次又一次地重新被沾满,像对我的讽喻,也像使用自贬而操纵对方的精明之人。我把垃圾脱手,让它们以旋转的方式进入最安全的内部垃圾箱,大熊看着我的脚踝,摸摸手边的箱子,它什么也没有做,就像那些最厉害的人一样。

姥姥,棉紡宿舍和失眠症

姥姥得了失眠症。

她生活在首都旁边的一个北方城市,是首都的供给站。上世纪发展棉纺,姥姥响应号召进了纺织厂,和同厂子的小领导,我姥爷,结了婚,成为了一名光荣的工人阶级,也分到了棉纺厂职工宿舍的两室单元房,就这么一直生活到了现在。

几十年后,这个宿舍里住满了退休的纺织厂工人,至少二十年前,大家还不会租房子住的时候是这样。宿舍里有一个公共澡堂,澡堂外的前厅是三个给人理发的转椅。澡堂对面有个小球场,旁边是医院,再往外走就是一整条街的市集。每天清早都会有各种青菜鱼肉小贩铺一条破布就开始叫卖,旁边摊子上还会挂上几个半身人体模特,上面套着一些颜色饱和度很高的时髦衣服,除此之外,可以搭配着卖的胸罩、短丝袜也一个不少。再往前走,是一所学校,从小学到高中的教育都可以提供。到了这儿,才算走到了这个棉纺宿舍的尽头。从我记事起,姥姥的日常生活中走到的最远的地方就是宿舍对面新开的大超市——还能想起来当年开这个超市时的轰动,大家都在超市里拿起东西就给小孩子吃,丝毫不知道购买流程是怎样,可把小孩子们高兴坏了。

图片
冬天的棉紡宿舍

姥姥的故事全都发生在这个宿舍里。50岁的时候她迷上了跳舞,每天傍晚时就从家里出发,不带姥爷,自己跑出去和伙伴儿们跳一晚,那段时间家里的关系很微妙,但后来不知怎的,慢慢地也就不去了,一些可能发生的家庭危机也就不了了之。她的妹妹住在隔壁一栋楼,再后面住着弟弟和弟媳,最好的朋友是隔着一条巷子,家庭条件很好的大红姥姥,我小时候可没少吃她们家的橘子和糖果。

慢慢地,这个宿舍变老了,连带着里面的一切。澡堂是首当其冲的受害者,因为每家每户都装上了热水器,自然也就不能洗完澡舒舒服服地坐在转椅上理个发了。早市因为太吵,被清理出了宿舍,姥姥嫌太远,干脆买什么都往超市跑。医院也拆了,也不知道是因为医疗条件根不上,还是别的什么原因。足球场和舞厅自然也慢慢地消失了。第一次让我比较震惊的新闻是隔壁家璇璇的奶奶死了。她是个很和善的老太太,璇璇是我很好的朋友,每次我和璇璇出去玩儿的时候,她都缩着腰在阳台下面低矮的小窗户里面给我们挥手再见,那天她们的3单元门口挂上了白色的布花,还有一直摆到人行路上的花篮,当然,这景象在之后的几年也不太少见了。姥姥的弟弟是在前两年走的,他走了之后,姥姥和不太亲密的弟媳断了来往,听说她们搬到了一所郊区的大房子里去住。再后来,脑血栓,心脏病,还有一些她们也叫不上来的病,带走了更多的人,每次我回去,最大的新闻已经不再是谁死了,而是谁得了慢性病,但是活到了现在,也不知道他吃了什么保健品。

姥姥的失眠是今年才严重起来的。一开始,我只是发现姥姥给我打电话的时间越来越晚了,从9点,到10点,有一次我十一点多想第二天跟她打个电话,怕打扰她又怕忘记,就发了个短信说明天聊,结果没过两秒钟就接到了她打过来的电话。

她会给我聊一些失眠时的故事。我最近听到的版本是这样的:

“昨天夜里躺在床上怎么也睡不着,听着收音机翻来覆去地到了凌晨两点。突然听见外面有人讲话,我又烦,又好奇,一下就躺不住了,穿上衣服裤子就往西边阳台走。”

“谁在说话?”

“嗨,我起来往窗户外面一看,是住在拐角楼扫垃圾家的傻小子,一边扫一边自己跟自己说话,嘟嘟囔囔的。他爸妈都是农村来的,爸爸挺老实,他妈嗓门大,俩人脑子都挺清楚的,谁知道怎么生了这么个傻小子。傻小子干活慢,扫几下就得找个地方坐一坐,平常都得他那大嗓门妈妈带着扫,谁知道今天让他自己一个人出来。”

“没人想给他看看病吗?”

“谁知道,可能治不好吧。看完这傻小子扫地我又回来换上衣服,跑到卧室的阳台往外边看。我现在都能记住每家关灯的时间了。三楼的一家老是整宿的不关灯,我睡不着就老往他家看,结果谁知道昨天晚上他家把灯给关了,这真是奇怪。”听完这句我笑了笑,觉得点滑稽。姥姥一年多前得了老年痴呆,经常跟我抱怨看完几分钟的天气预报都记不住。

她接着说,“看完对面那几家,也就五点了。我赶紧起来把衣服都手洗了,洗完天也亮了,我就干脆起床了,一整晚也没合眼。”

说完她把洗好的桑葚往我身前推了推,笑了笑,不再说话。我只是隐约记得家境很好的大红姥姥家的女儿也是个傻子,据说已经三十多岁,靠着家里炒股赚的钱还能过活,之前去超市帮人收集小推车,结果看见吃的打开就吃,也就不干了。除了这个之外,在棉纺宿舍还经常能看到其他身体残缺的人,手指畸形的人,我也不知道他们发生了什么,但是他们每天照样早晨起来锻炼或者做做小买卖,感觉好像什么也没有发生过。

姥姥的大半个生活都发生在了这个宿舍里,姥姥的失眠生活也发生在了这个宿舍里。傻儿子也是和傻闺女也是,不关灯的隔壁楼三楼也是。这个宿舍老了,傻儿子的爸爸妈妈也老了。我的姥姥,这个骄傲的棉纺厂女工,也老了,她不再固执地把头发一直染成黑色,她也不再拿出来50几岁穿的花裙子,也不再给我看炫耀过很多次的年轻时候扎着两只粗粗的麻花辫子的照片。但是那些东西一样也没丢,都整整齐齐地放在那个80几平方的两居单元房里,和她一起生活了一辈子。

Fiction or Reality? A Review on Anatomy of a Fall

From the outset, Sandra, the female protagonist, is in a trance-like talk with a literature student who comes for an interview. It is a bizarre talk. Sandra is drinking. The camera often closes up abruptly. The dynamic between the two is stilted, operatic and probably a bit flirty in hindsight. Music pushes in, inappropriately loud. It’s an uplifted one, saucy, dance-like. The camera keeps unstable. All of these add up to the stagy effect of the weird conversation, which eventually leads to the interviewer bringing up the topic of the blurry boundary between fiction and reality. Up until this point, everything looks fictional. Ironically, it is the only part that is later eligible as court evidence: the interviewer recoded the conversation—without ambiguous sounds such as the one in the fight recording—and thus it is mechanically perceived as reality. 

This first scene sets the motifs which will be dealt with later by dint of a fall and all its complications. The interview is finished haphazardly due to the music, and Daniel takes over as the focalizer. At the same time, the camera switches to a calm manner, as if leading us to the mundanity of real life. But the sudden death of Samuel again makes it all unrealistic. How can he die so suddenly? It must have been planned! The Gone Girl mindset sneaks into the audiences’ suspicion, and the police’s. Fiction and reality from this point begin to intertwine to the next level. 

The first layer is the forming of a story. When two parties present their narratives to the court, only one is considered real, and the other fake or fictional. But speech in and of itself is a form of fiction. The word “fiction” comes from Latin, meaning “form, contrive,” and speech in its nature is an organization of ideas. Therefore both parties may contrive a story for their benefit by using the fragments of what happened. In this film, it is further complicated by the fact that Samuel is dead, so he can only speak through what he leaves behind: recordings, talks with others before his death, behaviors seen by witnesses, etc. However, if it makes any difference, his narrative becomes more convinceable, because he cannot lie anymore. This might be due to the common belief that only lies make a story fictional, without realizing organization is the biggest contribution to a story’s fictionese. To procure the truth, we should not only look at what is included but also what is left out. In Samuel’s case, he leaves out a capacious blank. 

The second layer can be categorized in the first one, but can also be looked at on its own merits, which is the reported speech of another person. There lies a debate in linguistics on the terminology of “reported speech.” Some believe it is a misnomer, because the word report connotates “fact,” which further connotates its trueness. However, retelling another one’s speech is never a documentary representation—the speaker is entitled to alter the material to their own purposes. So some linguists propose to term it “constructed dialogue.” This is vividly represented in the film when Daniel tells what Samuel said to him when they drove together. The voice is from Daniel in the court, while the focalizer is him in the car, watching Samuel talking. There is a weird combination of Samuel’s facial motion with Daniel’s voice. It looks like they match each other perfectly, as if Daniel is play-acting his father. But at the same time, we mustn’t forget that it is because both the visual image and voice are Daniel’s production. 

What adds to the mixture of reality and fiction is that both Sandra and Samuel are novelists. Sandra is considered a biofictionist, and Samuel also tries to integrate his life into his work, which is why he records his domestic arguments. This evokes a thought experiment: imagine when Sandra writes another book on this matter, as she always does after an incident of her life, everything—including what is considered reality, such as the court proceedings—becomes fiction. What makes the thought experiment more interesting is taking into consideration that this film itself is fiction. It forces us to take a step back, stop looking at the film, and take a sip from the glass on our table. But who can confirm that we are not fictional characters created by some eccentric creator for their entertainment? 

What is real? At the end of the film, Sandra goes through everything. She doesn’t feel happy, because she isn’t rewarded anything after all this gratuitous toil. Life goes on. People die, just some earlier than others. We constantly make what is happening into memories and fiction, until at one point, everything becomes fiction and we die. Probably at the end of the day, only fiction stands strong.  

新世纪之歌

一只小羊乘风而下,

坐在蛇状的光里,嘴里振振有词。

俯向一片绿得震惊的屋顶,

它想起了学习短跑的那个下午,

母亲给予的那些让人心碎的东西。

无法破译的霞的信号,

潜伏在它的内脏中间,

介于脾的西部,给生活

带来些许不便。

就一个周三来说,这些叙述

有些过于冗长了。你总是如此,

让羊为难。

浅湾上已有了一层使人

心情不畅的材料,

羊看到其中的屋顶、霞和心的碎片,

向瓦格纳祈祷,这次是真的,

重新来过。

“我会做一个全新的小羊,克制

城市、大厦和茶水间的诱惑,

和刀保持距离。”